Empty Me - Chris Sligh

Empty Me - Chris Sligh

I've had just enough of the spotlight when it burns bright
To see how it gets in the blood.
And I've tasted my share of the sweet life and the wild ride
And found a little is not quite enough.
I know how I can stray
And how fast my heart could change.

Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me so
I can be filled with you.

I've seen just enough of the quick buys of the best lies
To know how prodigals can be drawn away.
I know how I can stray
And how fast my heart could change.

Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me so
I can be filled with you.

Cause everything is a lesser thing
Compared to you, compared to you.
Cause everything is a lesser thing
Compared to you so why surrender all?

Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me so I can be
Lord empty me of me so
I can be filled with you.
Oh, filled with you.
Empty me.

I was looking songs on itunes yesterday and I saw this song. I hadn't ever heard it so I went to youtube and looked it up. Once I heard it I fell in love with it. The words to the song just stuck out. I love it. :)

Sorry!

I haven't posted anything in a while. I have a lot of things going on and a lot of emotions and I don't know how to put them all into words. I don't really know how to explain what I'm feeling because at the moment I don't really know. I know that probably doesn't make much since. But I will do my best to explain.

Last Wednesday Bradley told my best friend that I was a pain in his ass, too emotional, and yelled to much. Where he got the yelled to much from I don't know because I haven't ever "yelled" at him.. But I can kind of understand where he is coming from. You would think that would be enough for me to just be done with him. But he didn't tell me. He told my best friend all of this. He also told her that he was done and that he still cared about me and wanted to be with me but he was done and couldn't take it anymore. You would think that would be enough for me to be done right? No, I can't let go. I'm scared to let go. I'm scared I will forget him, or if I do move on that there will never be another chance. Tuesday he deleted me from his myspace. That's when I broke down. I balled my eyes out. I can't explain why it hurt so much that he deleted me but it did. So I sent him a message and said I want to hear it from you, I NEED to hear it from you, that you want to move on so that i can as well and he didn't say anything. I deserve that much don't I?

I don't understand how you can smile all day long But cry yourself to sleep at night. How pictures never change, But the people in them do. How you can love so innocently, But it can turn into anger so quickly. How your best friend can become your worst enemy or How strange it is when your worst enemy Turns into your best friend. How forever turns into a few short months That you'd do almost anything to get back. How you can let go of something you once said You couldn't live without. How even though you know something is best for you, It hurts just the same. How the people who once wanted to spend every second with you, Think a few minutes of their time is too much time to spare. How the smell of a person stays with you Even when they're gone. How people make promises, And bear their souls to someone Despite knowing how common it is for promises to be broken. How someone can erase you from their lives Cause its just easier then working things out.

This is something I found on my friends myspace and it really stuck out. I don't understand. Everything reminds me of him, He's on my mind 24/7. I feel a lot of guilt. If I wouldn't have gotten mad, or if I wouldn't have say something, or if I would have just let him have the time and space he needed then we would still be together and happy. I wish more then anything that he would tell me himself that he is done. But I can't take back the past all I can do is move forward. And as hard as it is and as painful as it is I HAVE TO MOVE ON. If there is one good thing out of it all it would have to be the fact that I have learned a lot. I don't regret being with Bradley at all. Yes we fought and yes there were somethings he did that I wasn't always happy about but we also had AMAZING talks. I was able to open up and tell him things that I have never told a guy. He was my best friend. I think there will always be a place in my heart for him. The only thing I would take back is the way we ended. I miss talking to him. I miss having him there too cheer me up. But I'm working to put God there now. To rely on God to build me up.

I want everyone that reads this to know that Bradley was not a horrible boyfriend. Yes things got a little ruff at the end. He said somethings he probably shouldn't have and so I have I. I don't want anybody to think badly of Bradley. Because without him I would not be where I am at now. He came at a point in my life where I was very down. Without him I would not be where I am today. I don't think he knows how much he has helped me. I can't even begin to tell you how important he is too me. Even though we are not together and right now I don't see us being together again any time soon. He is still very important to me. He gave me hope. He built me up. If I go on to much more I might start crying so for now that is all that I am going to say.

Thank you for reading.

But please please do not think badly of Bradley.

- Raven.

Goodbye.

Your fingertips across my skin

The palm trees swaying in the wind

Images

You sang me Spanish lullabies

The sweetest sadness in your eyes

Clever trick

Well, I never want to see you unhappy

I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

Should've known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street

You took my hand and danced with me

Images

And when you left,

you kissed my lips

You told me you would never, ever forget

These images

Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy

I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

Should've known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean

I cannot drive the streets at night

I cannot wake up in the morning

Without you on my mind

So you're gone and I'm haunted

And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that easy

To walk right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

Should've known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do.

As hard as it is to say Goodbye my lover. If its meant to be then it will happen later on and this is just another step in the way. I just have to trust in the Lord and let him lead me in the ways I'm supposed to go. It's hard to not call him and talk to him esp. since he wont even tell me that he is moving on he told my best friend. I do believe that he will always have a place in my heart. I've put my guard up. I'm not going to let someone else hurt me the way Bradley has. I know I have most likely hurt him in some ways as well and for that I am sorry. but life must go on. Well thanks for reading.

btw. if you leave my a comment check back to that post because I will reply to your comments in the same post. :)

kay thanks.

- Raven.

ps. i tried to put a video on from youtube of this song because the girl that sings it sings it absolutely beautiful.. butt it never would show up.. but go to youtube.com and type in almost lover by a fine frenzy and watch the third video down. :)

Picking up what is left and Moving On!

I am picking up the pieces to my broken heart and moving on. I can't handle this anymore. Every time I go to his myspace he has some new girl on there.. and not me. Please tell me I'm not making a big deal over nothing? We haven't talked since Sunday.. He said that he would call me later and I'm still waiting on that call. But I honestly don't think it would make a difference. I'm tired of feeling like I'm not good enough and that I need to change to be what he wants. According to him I'm a burden on everyone life because I nag to much, I'm annoying, I wear to much make-up, I'm to insecure, I cry too much.. I could go on forever. Our whole conversation Sunday was about all of my flaws. Our whole fight was over him trying to "build up" some other girls confidence by telling her how beautiful she is, he puts his life on how fine she is.. two days later we're broken up and she's his third friend on myspace and I'm not on there. When ever I would say something to him about what he was saying Sunday he would just say that he was kidding because he like to hear me get all worked up over nothing. He likes my angry voice.. I just feel as if he doesn't care anymore. If its meant to be then it will work out in the end but as of right now I have to do what is best for me and that is putting my heart back together, getting on the right track with God, and moving on. It will be hard I know.. but it's what I have to do to be me again. I can't go on with one day I'm what he wants then the next day I'm nothing to him. Moving on hurts but it hurts just as bad to just sit here and wait and wonder.. am I going to be good enough today? is he going to call me today? is today going to be the day that he decides that I'm never going to be good enough? is today going to be the day that he shatters my heart all over again? I can't keep on feeling this way. I have other thing to worry about.. Like planing a baby shower for my mom and a sixteenth birthday party for myself all by myself. I don't need to worry about him too.

Thanks for reading. :)
- Raven.

A season for all things.

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Once again I was reading my bible and these verses popped out at me. Its kinda strange how things in the bible have been popping out at me lately. I guess it has to do with the fact that I'm reading my bible more often and actually paying attention in class and church. And it's not like I'm just sitting down too read.. it's like I start reading looking for something then I just can't put it down. And I LOVE IT. It's amazingg. When I read this it really stood out because I have been struggling with my emotions every since Bradley and I broke up. And I can't seem to figure out why.. but EVERY little thing sets me off and makes me cry my eyes out. I love how it says that there is a time to break down and a time to build up a time to weep and a time to laugh a time to mourn and a time to dance a time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones a time to embrace and a time to refrain form embracing a time to get and a time to lose a time to keep and a time to cast away a time to keep silence and a time to speak a time to love and a time to hate a time of war and a time of peace. We were reading this in class last Wednesday and I just started crying.. I hid it pretty well though. That's my thing.. I have been trying to hide my emotions and only let a few people in. Kirsten and Bradley. Even though he is the cause of most of my emotions I talk to him about them sometimes he helps sometimes he doesn't. But that's just because he is a guy and he thinks that I cry over little things. And yes sometimes I do. Sometimes the reason I cry is just because.. and he doesn't always understand. I think my MAJOR struggle is that I'm scared to let my family and friends know that I'm falling again. Just when I thought I had gotten to a place where I was finally happy I'm starting to fall again. I've been here before almost a year ago.. I have come SOO far in a year. But I feel as if I'm starting to fall again. I think it has just been a lot of emotion building up and Bradley and I braking up just kinda put the icing on the cake. I can tell that I'm starting to get to the place I was when I was depressed and its not fun at all. I don't like me depressed. But ever since Bradley and I broke up I just haven't been myself.. I'm NEVER hungry.. I'm SUPER tired all the time.. EVERYTHING makes me cry.. I NEVER want to do anything with anybody.. but I'm good at hiding my emotions.. Every one thinks that I'm happy and fine when really I just want to curl up in a ball and cry till I can't cry anymore. I don't like this me but I don't know how to get out of this spot. Bradley is the one that helped me get out of this spot last time. Last time I was like this was before I met Bradley and when I met him and we started talking I had hope that things would be better and they got better. Bradley and I have been on off and on again since July 2007. Even though we live 200 miles apart he has always been there for me to talk to. He has always been there to help me with things. and now he's not like he used to. Now that we aren't together we both kinda do our own thing. Yes I can still talk to him but not like I used to be able too. He has helped me in so many ways. I can't even begin to explain them. Buttt back to the point there is a time for everything. I need to snap outta this and focus on the GOOD things I have and not the BAD things that are going on.

Well that's all that I have time. I hope that this made some since. Thank you for listening. I know it's long. Thank you sooo much for all of you comments it help sooo much to know that people really do care. ;)

- Raven.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

I was reading my bible sunday during church and this verse poped out at me. I'm not really sure why it just did. I have put it on my myspace as a daily remember to trust in the Lord. Without him nothing is possible. I need to rely more on the Lord and less on myself. I need to put my whole trust into the Lord and let him write the rest of my story.

IT'S A GIRL

Mom is going to have a Girl. They want to name her Taylor Joann Shahan. I'm so excited. I'm going to have a little sister.. YAY!! I can't wait. Mom is 21 weeks today. :]

Kay well that's all for now.

Happy?

I talked to Bradley last night. He called me. I love talking to him. Even though he makes me cry my eyes out we have some amazing talks. We talked about what we wanted in life. We talked about us.. and if we thought we should be together right now and we decided no. That we are just going to let it happen. Kinda like how we met. We just HAPPENED to meet and we just HAPPENED to get together. We are going to take it one day at a time. I told him how I was going to take this time to become closer to God. In us braking up I have learned SOOO much. I can't even begin to explain ALL the things I have learned. All though I want to be with him I believe that this is what is best for us now. We're still going to talk. He's not going any where and neither am I. My best friend was over last night when we talked which helped A LOT. When Bradley and I were together she wasn't sure if she liked him or not.. when she talked to him last night she said that she could really tell that he really does love me and that he really does care about me. Having her support helps SOOOO much. It makes it easier in some ways. Hopefully me wanting to become closer to God will also effect Bradley and maybe bring him closer as well.

Well that's all I have time for. Tomorrow we go to see what my mom is having.. I hope it's a girl. :)

Thank you all for you comments and prays. :)

More later. :)