To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
Once again I was reading my bible and these verses popped out at me. Its kinda strange how things in the bible have been popping out at me lately. I guess it has to do with the fact that I'm reading my bible more often and actually paying attention in class and church. And it's not like I'm just sitting down too read.. it's like I start reading looking for something then I just can't put it down. And I LOVE IT. It's amazingg. When I read this it really stood out because I have been struggling with my emotions every since Bradley and I broke up. And I can't seem to figure out why.. but EVERY little thing sets me off and makes me cry my eyes out. I love how it says that there is a time to break down and a time to build up a time to weep and a time to laugh a time to mourn and a time to dance a time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones a time to embrace and a time to refrain form embracing a time to get and a time to lose a time to keep and a time to cast away a time to keep silence and a time to speak a time to love and a time to hate a time of war and a time of peace. We were reading this in class last Wednesday and I just started crying.. I hid it pretty well though. That's my thing.. I have been trying to hide my emotions and only let a few people in. Kirsten and Bradley. Even though he is the cause of most of my emotions I talk to him about them sometimes he helps sometimes he doesn't. But that's just because he is a guy and he thinks that I cry over little things. And yes sometimes I do. Sometimes the reason I cry is just because.. and he doesn't always understand. I think my MAJOR struggle is that I'm scared to let my family and friends know that I'm falling again. Just when I thought I had gotten to a place where I was finally happy I'm starting to fall again. I've been here before almost a year ago.. I have come SOO far in a year. But I feel as if I'm starting to fall again. I think it has just been a lot of emotion building up and Bradley and I braking up just kinda put the icing on the cake. I can tell that I'm starting to get to the place I was when I was depressed and its not fun at all. I don't like me depressed. But ever since Bradley and I broke up I just haven't been myself.. I'm NEVER hungry.. I'm SUPER tired all the time.. EVERYTHING makes me cry.. I NEVER want to do anything with anybody.. but I'm good at hiding my emotions.. Every one thinks that I'm happy and fine when really I just want to curl up in a ball and cry till I can't cry anymore. I don't like this me but I don't know how to get out of this spot. Bradley is the one that helped me get out of this spot last time. Last time I was like this was before I met Bradley and when I met him and we started talking I had hope that things would be better and they got better. Bradley and I have been on off and on again since July 2007. Even though we live 200 miles apart he has always been there for me to talk to. He has always been there to help me with things. and now he's not like he used to. Now that we aren't together we both kinda do our own thing. Yes I can still talk to him but not like I used to be able too. He has helped me in so many ways. I can't even begin to explain them. Buttt back to the point there is a time for everything. I need to snap outta this and focus on the GOOD things I have and not the BAD things that are going on.
Well that's all that I have time. I hope that this made some since. Thank you for listening. I know it's long. Thank you sooo much for all of you comments it help sooo much to know that people really do care. ;)
- Raven.
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5 comments:
hey sweetie. So i am 100% with you on this one!! I just got out of, and kinda still going through this season or phase too! Even last night I broke down and started crying on the phone with Taylor. and Sat, and Sunday, and Wednesday, lol. I could go on. He knows I am such an emotional wreck! But that doesnt have to be a bad thing. Because thats when i discover taylor cant fulfill all my needs or my desires. no one can. thats when i realize i'm screwed up on my own, so I have to go to God with it. So i fink beauty in the breakdown and use that mess to bring me back to God. Its a weird cycle. and i think just cause we're girls we're always gonna be a little more unstable than the guys. but thats ok.
So, you're not alone, i know how you feel, and dont feel bad for feeling that way. haha. i dont quite know if that makes sense to you, but it does in my head :)
well have a great day! let me know how things are going
Wendy: it TOTALLY makes since to me. :)
thanks. your comment helps to know that im not the ONLY one that feels this way. lol.
Hey! I love this thing and I think I am going to start one! Anyways, I am always here for you! Just try to hang in there. I promise everything will work out!
I am so sorry that you are in so much pain right now. But...it's okay to be upset and to cry and to grieve. Whenever I am really upset, I read through the book of Psalms and see how many strong men of God have mourned and grieved in their journey as well. It is a reminder that even the strongest, the most Godly of people, fall on their knees and cry as well. And, I also find so much hope for a brighter tomorrow in the Psalms as well. "You will make known to me the path of life; in your presence is fullness and joy; in your hand there are pleasures forever." Psalm 16:11 Share your heart with God, share your heart with those that God has given you on this earth and I promise that in time the pain will ease, and it will be replaced with joy once again. Maybe not tomorrow...but it will happen. There is a song that we sing at church that says," You have turned my mourning into dancing, you have turned my sorrow into joy." I love that song and can always sing it with so much conviction becuase God has done that for me over and over again. He will do it for you too! I love you and I'm here for you...
Andrea: Thanks for reading and always being there for me. I love you! :)
I really like the verse you put in your comment as well. :)
I love you!
and Thanks. :)
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