I am picking up the pieces to my broken heart and moving on. I can't handle this anymore. Every time I go to his myspace he has some new girl on there.. and not me. Please tell me I'm not making a big deal over nothing? We haven't talked since Sunday.. He said that he would call me later and I'm still waiting on that call. But I honestly don't think it would make a difference. I'm tired of feeling like I'm not good enough and that I need to change to be what he wants. According to him I'm a burden on everyone life because I nag to much, I'm annoying, I wear to much make-up, I'm to insecure, I cry too much.. I could go on forever. Our whole conversation Sunday was about all of my flaws. Our whole fight was over him trying to "build up" some other girls confidence by telling her how beautiful she is, he puts his life on how fine she is.. two days later we're broken up and she's his third friend on myspace and I'm not on there. When ever I would say something to him about what he was saying Sunday he would just say that he was kidding because he like to hear me get all worked up over nothing. He likes my angry voice.. I just feel as if he doesn't care anymore. If its meant to be then it will work out in the end but as of right now I have to do what is best for me and that is putting my heart back together, getting on the right track with God, and moving on. It will be hard I know.. but it's what I have to do to be me again. I can't go on with one day I'm what he wants then the next day I'm nothing to him. Moving on hurts but it hurts just as bad to just sit here and wait and wonder.. am I going to be good enough today? is he going to call me today? is today going to be the day that he decides that I'm never going to be good enough? is today going to be the day that he shatters my heart all over again? I can't keep on feeling this way. I have other thing to worry about.. Like planing a baby shower for my mom and a sixteenth birthday party for myself all by myself. I don't need to worry about him too.
Thanks for reading. :)
- Raven.
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3 comments:
sounds to me like he is now just using you as a back up. he knows you will always come back on your hands and knees wanting him and forgiving him. He knows he can go try other girls and if they dont work out, or if they reject him, you are like his "feel good" medicine to make himself feel better. so that he'll never be 100% alone. so he'll always have a girl to go to.
hun, this is not good.
you're making the right decision to get out of this! It'll hurt for a season, but then you'll be wayyy happier if you just deal with it now and move on. My sister went through this same situation for FOUR YEARS! it just doesnt go away untill you decide to leave. He'll try to suck every ounce out of you. AND YOU DONT DESERVE THAT!!! you deserve soo much better! Just take all of your hurt, all of you love and give it the Jesus. I know that sounds cliche but its true. Let Christ be your boyfriend! its fun, and He'll NEVER hurt you, or fail you, or use you! HE's perfect!
:)
Wendy: Thank you! It hurts like no end. But its what has to be done. We talked to day and he acts like he doesn't care that I've decided to move on. Thank you for readying. :)
- Raven!
Wendy has wise advice. God has His best waiting for you. DON'T SETTLE out of fear. When you are afraid of the pain of being withouy Him...choose to trust the Lord. This will bind you to Him in intimate ways and prepare you for the one He will bring that will serve you as Christ does the church. Love you and am praying!!!!!
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