:)

So last night was so amazing in so many different ways. Bradley and I have gotten back together. He's moved to a bigger and better school for football, football practice is starting up again so he hasn't really had enough time to talk to me like i think he should. and me being me i blow him not talking to me out of context and make it in to something that it isn't. well last night Bradley and I had a REAL heart to heart convo. we started talking at 10pm and didn't get off the phone till 4am. We talked about thing we had never talked about before. We talked about our feelings for each other. Things in the past. It was sooo amazing. I KNOW now that he loves me. After the things he said last night and everything I KNOW that with out a doubt he loves me. He poured his heart out to me told me things that I prolly didn't want to know and somethings that he should have told me a long time ago.. but the same goes for me. I'm sure i told him somethings about my past that he didn't want to hear but i also told him somethings that i should have just told him from the get go. Last night was amazing. i don't know any other way of explaining it. :)

buuuut that's all for tonight I'm so tired i can hardly stay awake.

23 days till my sweet sixteen.
11 days till we go to the BEACH! yay!

I made this video for my daddy to be played at my birthday party this weekend. Without my daddy I wouldn't be who I am. He has been my strength when I was weak, he has ALWAYS been there for me. No matter how bad I had messed up. He always supports me in what I do. I can talk to him about anything and everything. Even though he messed up early in life and hasn't always been with me he is still a big part of my life. I love him so much. I don't know what I would do without him.

ps andrea if you see this please dont say anything to mammonk/pappaw or jmaw/jeanne before this weekend. :) thanks.

And the countdown has started. :)

25 days till my sweet sixteen.

and I can't wait. this year for my birthday I wanted to do something different. so i requested in my birthday invitations that instead of getting gifts for me make either a money donation or some items that we listed to be given to the Cherokee Childrens Home. my church supports them, we called them and asked them what they need and they said that they had 14 teenage girls around my age and they went though hair stuff, tampons, pads, etc. and they could really use these things. so thats what i asked everybody for for my birthday.

thinking about it just makes me smile. i mean i don't by any means need any things. i have been very blessed and by no means am i in any need of anything. sometimes you dont think about how blessed you really are untill you start thinking about the people that arent and dont have the things they need. i really hope that i can get these things for these girls.

when i told my mom she didnt understand why i would want to do something like that.. and she doesn't think that people will actually bring stuff for it. i hope that i can prove her wrong and show her that people will do stuff. i love the feeling you get when you know that you are helping somebody that is in need.

it makes my heart happy. yeah that sounds kinda corney and stupid but i dont know any other way to explain it.

i just got back from Arkansas yesterday. it was okay. not my favorite state but it was okay. ill put a few pictures up tomorrow hopefully. :)

i cant wait to go to the beach.. and to turn 16.

- Raven :)

Pappaw. :)

This my Great-Grandpa. I call him Pappaw. :)
These were a few pictures we took on the way to church sunday. He cracks me up. I am so glad that he has had such a impact on my life. If it wasn't for him and Mammonk(my Great-Grandma) I know with out a doubt I wouldn't be mee. :)

He's so goofy. :)

Franklin the Turtle. :)

Today as I was driving down Parkerville I almost ran over a turtle. I had to turn around and get out of the middle of the street, well instead of taking it too the side of the road and leaving it I had to take it somewhere safe. So I put in my moms car, first of all bad idea considering I knew mom wouldn't let me keep it.. but I thought it was worth a try anyway. Lol. So going on about what i was doing with this turtle in the floor board it decided that my moms car was its bathroom.. YUCKKK! it peed in her car.. She wasn't too happy about that one. Well when i got back to the shop annnd told my mom that i had saved a turtle she was like and what do you think you are goinng to do with this. I tried talking her into lettting me keep it. didn't work. so then i came up with this wonderful idea that i would take it to my best friends house, put it in a box with a note that said SAVEEEE ME and leave it on her door step for her to find when she came home from school... my mom didn't think it was such a wonderful idea sooo i had to let him go in the huge pond behind kirstens house.. :)

i feel good that i saved a turtle. :)
i would have soooo put that turtle on her door step if it wouldn't have been for my mom.



Byeee byeee Franklin. :)

Empty Me - Chris Sligh

Empty Me - Chris Sligh

I've had just enough of the spotlight when it burns bright
To see how it gets in the blood.
And I've tasted my share of the sweet life and the wild ride
And found a little is not quite enough.
I know how I can stray
And how fast my heart could change.

Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me so
I can be filled with you.

I've seen just enough of the quick buys of the best lies
To know how prodigals can be drawn away.
I know how I can stray
And how fast my heart could change.

Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me so
I can be filled with you.

Cause everything is a lesser thing
Compared to you, compared to you.
Cause everything is a lesser thing
Compared to you so why surrender all?

Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me so I can be
Lord empty me of me so
I can be filled with you.
Oh, filled with you.
Empty me.

I was looking songs on itunes yesterday and I saw this song. I hadn't ever heard it so I went to youtube and looked it up. Once I heard it I fell in love with it. The words to the song just stuck out. I love it. :)

Sorry!

I haven't posted anything in a while. I have a lot of things going on and a lot of emotions and I don't know how to put them all into words. I don't really know how to explain what I'm feeling because at the moment I don't really know. I know that probably doesn't make much since. But I will do my best to explain.

Last Wednesday Bradley told my best friend that I was a pain in his ass, too emotional, and yelled to much. Where he got the yelled to much from I don't know because I haven't ever "yelled" at him.. But I can kind of understand where he is coming from. You would think that would be enough for me to just be done with him. But he didn't tell me. He told my best friend all of this. He also told her that he was done and that he still cared about me and wanted to be with me but he was done and couldn't take it anymore. You would think that would be enough for me to be done right? No, I can't let go. I'm scared to let go. I'm scared I will forget him, or if I do move on that there will never be another chance. Tuesday he deleted me from his myspace. That's when I broke down. I balled my eyes out. I can't explain why it hurt so much that he deleted me but it did. So I sent him a message and said I want to hear it from you, I NEED to hear it from you, that you want to move on so that i can as well and he didn't say anything. I deserve that much don't I?

I don't understand how you can smile all day long But cry yourself to sleep at night. How pictures never change, But the people in them do. How you can love so innocently, But it can turn into anger so quickly. How your best friend can become your worst enemy or How strange it is when your worst enemy Turns into your best friend. How forever turns into a few short months That you'd do almost anything to get back. How you can let go of something you once said You couldn't live without. How even though you know something is best for you, It hurts just the same. How the people who once wanted to spend every second with you, Think a few minutes of their time is too much time to spare. How the smell of a person stays with you Even when they're gone. How people make promises, And bear their souls to someone Despite knowing how common it is for promises to be broken. How someone can erase you from their lives Cause its just easier then working things out.

This is something I found on my friends myspace and it really stuck out. I don't understand. Everything reminds me of him, He's on my mind 24/7. I feel a lot of guilt. If I wouldn't have gotten mad, or if I wouldn't have say something, or if I would have just let him have the time and space he needed then we would still be together and happy. I wish more then anything that he would tell me himself that he is done. But I can't take back the past all I can do is move forward. And as hard as it is and as painful as it is I HAVE TO MOVE ON. If there is one good thing out of it all it would have to be the fact that I have learned a lot. I don't regret being with Bradley at all. Yes we fought and yes there were somethings he did that I wasn't always happy about but we also had AMAZING talks. I was able to open up and tell him things that I have never told a guy. He was my best friend. I think there will always be a place in my heart for him. The only thing I would take back is the way we ended. I miss talking to him. I miss having him there too cheer me up. But I'm working to put God there now. To rely on God to build me up.

I want everyone that reads this to know that Bradley was not a horrible boyfriend. Yes things got a little ruff at the end. He said somethings he probably shouldn't have and so I have I. I don't want anybody to think badly of Bradley. Because without him I would not be where I am at now. He came at a point in my life where I was very down. Without him I would not be where I am today. I don't think he knows how much he has helped me. I can't even begin to tell you how important he is too me. Even though we are not together and right now I don't see us being together again any time soon. He is still very important to me. He gave me hope. He built me up. If I go on to much more I might start crying so for now that is all that I am going to say.

Thank you for reading.

But please please do not think badly of Bradley.

- Raven.