So..I've been "dating" Bradley for almost 3 month now [March 3rd will be 3 months]. Long distance isn't always easy and I knew that from the get go. But part of me thought it would be easy.. HA. was I wrong. In long distance it requires A LOT of trust and..trust. Yes I "trust" Bradley but do I really trust him. Deep down I know he wouldn't do anything to hurt me. Deep down I know that he loves me. He's proved it a number of times. but how come I can't accept that? How come knowing these thing aren't enough? Even though I know these things I still find myself at a place where im doubting his love. It is usually brought on by a fight or us being busy and not being able to talk to each other much. In long distance you rely 100% on phone conversations. I would love ooh so much to be able to see him everyday. Would things be easier? No. Why? Because we have both been sexually active before.. What does that have to do with anything? I know me and if I were around him everyday I would be presented with temptation that I would not be able to turn down. Needless to say if we were able to see each other everyday we would have already "done the deed". How do you know that? We've talked about it. Does he understand that it's a good thing you two dont get to see each other everyday? No. Why? Because he wants our relationship to go to the "next level". Do you want that too? Yes.. I mean No.. Heck I dont know. In some ways yes because I love him. No. Because he's the first boy that I have given my all since what happend. [if you dont know what happend im sure I will cover it in another blog. I really dont want to keep you here all day. LOL] So much of me wanted/wants this relationship to be different. I mean we met at CHURCH camp. He's a preachers son. We have the same beliefs. We were both raised in the Church of Christ. Hes susposed to be different right? In some ways he is and in others he isn't. Back to the main point of this blog. Why isn't KNOWING he loves me enough? Why do I get these random feelings that hes like every other guy. That he just wants one thing and thats it. My answer would be because im too scared to face the facts that he DOES love me and that he IS different. I say that but do i BELIEVE it?
kay. im done rambleing.. thanks for listening. :]
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Raven,
I know the thoughts going through your head all to well. Please know that if he is truly different he can wait and honor you and your relationship the way God desires it to be. It is not just reading His word but putting it into practice. It is never easy to give up the "comforts" Doing whatever with him will not "make the relationship last or better" The next level is not sex. I can tell you that for sure. The next level is trust and intimacy in a non-sexual way. Relationships that last how real communication and trust. The "intimate part" which is wonderful between a husband and a wife but not designed for anything outside of that. When it does happen outside of marriage it will not make you more secure in your relationship it will actually make you less secure. God doesn't call it a "holy union" for no reason. There is a purpose that He designed it for a husband and wife. Trust & communication are the next levels. If he being different is for real he will show honor and respect for you and the relationship you have with one another. If he chooses not to then it is his lose, and above else when you put God at the helm of your relationship He blesses it beyond measure. Don't rush to be 30
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