Confidence is COOL!!

Confidence is knowing our past is forgiven by God and we are in good standing with Him by faith.


Confidence is knowing that God is on our side and, therefore, it doesn't matter who is against us.


Confidence is security in who we are in Christ. Arrogance is self-reliance because of what we have, who we know, or what we have done.


Be confident because of who you are in Christ Jesus. With Him on your side, you can't fail.

I went to the Family Christian Book store the other day and saw a couple of books that I wanted to get. Boy Meets Girl - Jousha Harris. and A teenagers Little Black Book. I started reading my Little Black Book and the first subject is How to be COOL without compermiseing your morals and things. Reading though this book I read these things that I wrote up above. They REALLY stood out to me. When I look at them and read them I know that as long as Im CONFIDENT in WHO I AM IN CHRIST JESUS ALL things possible.

CONFIDENCE IS COOL! Being confident in who you are, what you are, and what you stand for is COOL! :)

a few other things that have poped out to me lately.

- For where your treasure is, there will you heart be also. Luke 12:34
- A merry heart doeth good like medicine: BUT a broken sprirt drieth the bondes. Proverbs 17:22
- Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy, To the only wise God our Saviour, be glory adn majesty, domininon and power, both now and ever. Jude 1:24
- For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Romans 8:6

Examine Yourselves - 2 Corinthians 13:5

Are you really happy in the church as a Christian? Do you ever feel that it is a burden to live the Christian life? Do you attend worship just because you think you will be lost if you don't, or because you enjoy it? Are you lie the Psalmist who said, "I was glad when they said unto me,Let us go into the house of the Lord" (Psalm 122:1)? Do you worship "in spirit and in truth" (John 4:24)? Does the assembly give you encouragement and strength? Are you really helped by it? Have you missed and services of Sunday morning worship during the year and could you have attended? Have you attended the evening services, Sunday and Wednesday? Do you really feel it is necessary to go at night? Just what does the Bible mean when it says in Hebrews 10:25, "Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is"? Would you be willing or the elders to decide to dispense with all services except the Sunday morning worship? If it weren't announced, how long would it be before you found out about it? How long do you think a congregation would exist if they dismissed all their evening services? Is it good to have these services? If you know it good. but you don't attend. does James 4:17 apply to you when it says, Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin? Is it possible that you are expecting others in the church to be responsible for work and then let you attend merely when it is convenient for you?

If you never have any more interest in the Lord's work than you have now, do you honestly believe that you will be saved eternally? What does Jesus mean when He said in Revelation 2:10 "Be thou faithful unto death. and I will give thee a crown of life"?
Have I ever been irreverent in the worship? What does it mean when the Bible says in Psalm 89:7 that "God is greatly to be feared in the assembly of the saints, and to be had in reverence of all them that are about him"? Do I talk or by my actions distract those who are sitting near me during the singing or the sermon? Has it ever occurred to me that the Lord is in our presence and observes my attitude? How could one be worshiping "in spirit and in truth" and yet not be thinking about the words he or she is singing? Do I always pray during the prayers? Am I easily disturbed by the surroundings? When the audience stands to sing the invitation song, do i always sing, thus encouraging the unsaved and the wayward to answer the invitation? Or do I, by my indifference and lack of attention. let them know that I DON'T CARE?

What about my plans for the remainder of this year and of the coming years? DO I sincerely believe that God has blessed me all through the year? When God has blessed me so bountifully materially, and in every way, do I plan to do more for Him in the future than in the past?
Have I purposed in my heart what I will give every week, as the Bible teaches in 1 Corinthians 16:2: "Upon the first day of the week let every one of you lay by him in store, as God hath prospered him"? Have I spent more on amusements that I have given to the Lord? Will a genuine Christian rob God in offerings? Have you? Do you believe that giving according it you ability is essential to the welfare of your soul, and of the local congregation? Have you ever felt any personal responsibility as to the financial welfare of the church?
How much progress have you made spiritually thus far this year? What bad habits did you conquer? What new talents did you develop? What place in the kingdom can you now fill which you could not fill at the beginning of this year? Don't you believe sincerely that everyone must spiritually, as 2 Peter 3:18 says: "Grow in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ"?

Have you placed other interests ahead of you interests in God? Do you belong to an organization or club? How ofter are you absent from its meetings? When one never misses such a meeting of the club, but will not attend the night services of the church, what do you think of his/her faith? If you were sincerely trying to serve the Lord, would you invite friends into your home for a meal or entertainment on Sunday or Wednesday night and miss worship?
Have I engaged in things that will make my influence for Christ less? Am i pure in speech? Am I pure in my association with those of the opposite sex? Have my attitudes toward them been those of a Christian? If every member of the church were just like me, do you honestly believe those who know us would want to be Christians?
Do you have uncompromising moral convictions? Do your family and close friends know it? Does your family think you are a hypocrite? If those with whom you work should unexpectedly attend our worship here, would they be surprised to find you present? Do your friends and associates respect your convictions?

Have I ever been self-centered and self-willed? Have I spoken words thoughtlessly or in haste that have injured another? Have I used words that were barbed and cutting? Have I ever been insincere to gain selfish ends? Do I consider my self a self-appointed critic to find fault in others? Do I think of myself more highly then I ought to think??
Have you ever had an enemy? Why? Do you have an enemy now? Is there a person with whom you would not speak? Why not? If you are in the wrong have you tried to apologize? If the other person is in the wrong, have you gone as the Lord has taught in Matthew 18:15-18? Can you go to heaven with malice in your hear toward any soul?
Do you pray for your enemies, as Jesus taught in Matthew 5:44: "Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you , and pray for them which despitefully use you and persecute you"?

Do you taken time to be holy? Have you spoken oft with your Lord? Do you feel the need of God and communion with Him? Are you trying to solve all of your life's problems alone? Is not prayer a necessity in a Christian's life? Do you worry although the Bible says, "in nothing be anxious"(Philippians 4:6)?
How many souls have I led to Christ during my life as a Christian? How many neighbors and friends have I ever invited to worship? If everyone did what I have done, how rapidly would church grow?

Have you ever talked to anyone about his/her soul? Have you ever talked with your won family about their soul? Is it right for you not to furnish your children and grandchildren with good Christian parents and grandparents? How can your home be Christian if your not Christian your self? Would you advise your children or grandchildren never to accept Christ? Would you want them to procrastinate?

If before the end of this day you had to walk the last mile of the way, would you be ready for the journey into eternity? If you never have obeyed the gospel. do you believe that Jesus is the Son of God? So you trust his promise that He made in Mark 16:16 "He that believeth and is BAPTIZED shall be saved"? When the roll is called up yonder. will you be there?

If you have been an unfaithful member, have you done what the Bible commands of you in Acts 8:22: "Repent therefore of this thy wickedness, and pray God: if perhaps the thought of they-heart may be forgiven thee"? Aren't you ready to turn your life around?

Highlights from my party.

The Tables.


The Centerpieces.

Kirsten, Racheal, and I.


My Dress.

All the stuff I got for the Cherokee Children's Home.
Plus A little Over $200 in cash and checks.

Then... the best part.. MY TRUCK!!

I have to make weekly payments.. buuut im still glad that i got a truck. it amazing i love it. i love the looks i get from people when im driving it. :)

thats all i have for now. ill put some more up when i get the pictures that everybody took. :)

Random Thoughts at 2 am..

So as I'm sitting here waiting for my DVD to finish I was thinking. Bradleys phone broke friday and he hasn't gotten it fixed yet which means we haven't talked since friday. :(. I got on myspace today and saw where he had gotten on Myspace he didn't say anything to me. I start to let that get me upset and frustrated. And then after my two very best friends went to bed I started thinking about it. I'm sitting here getting mad at him because he didn't say anything to me today when he got on myspace when knowing him he just got on long enough to get on check everything and get off because his parents and sisters went to go see him. Well that made me start thinking about how we often take things for granted. I'm being selfish and getting mad at my boyfriend because he didn't simply say one word to me today when he got on myspace when there are army wives and girlfriends that may not have talked to there husbands or boyfriends in weeks. This small thing made me stop and think about how I often take things for granted. I'm always complaining or down about something in my life when I really should be looking at the things I DO have not the things I DON'T have. I don't realize how many things I take for granted till I take a step back and look. In some ways we take God's love for granted. We do things that we know we shouldn't do because we know that our God is a forgiving God and will forgive us. I can't even begin to list the things and people in my life that I take for granted. This is something that I'm going to try and work on. Not taking things for granted wheater it be money, love, friendship, God, anything. I am going to start working on this.

What are somethings that you see that you take for granted?


- Raven.

:)

So last night was so amazing in so many different ways. Bradley and I have gotten back together. He's moved to a bigger and better school for football, football practice is starting up again so he hasn't really had enough time to talk to me like i think he should. and me being me i blow him not talking to me out of context and make it in to something that it isn't. well last night Bradley and I had a REAL heart to heart convo. we started talking at 10pm and didn't get off the phone till 4am. We talked about thing we had never talked about before. We talked about our feelings for each other. Things in the past. It was sooo amazing. I KNOW now that he loves me. After the things he said last night and everything I KNOW that with out a doubt he loves me. He poured his heart out to me told me things that I prolly didn't want to know and somethings that he should have told me a long time ago.. but the same goes for me. I'm sure i told him somethings about my past that he didn't want to hear but i also told him somethings that i should have just told him from the get go. Last night was amazing. i don't know any other way of explaining it. :)

buuuut that's all for tonight I'm so tired i can hardly stay awake.

23 days till my sweet sixteen.
11 days till we go to the BEACH! yay!

I made this video for my daddy to be played at my birthday party this weekend. Without my daddy I wouldn't be who I am. He has been my strength when I was weak, he has ALWAYS been there for me. No matter how bad I had messed up. He always supports me in what I do. I can talk to him about anything and everything. Even though he messed up early in life and hasn't always been with me he is still a big part of my life. I love him so much. I don't know what I would do without him.

ps andrea if you see this please dont say anything to mammonk/pappaw or jmaw/jeanne before this weekend. :) thanks.

And the countdown has started. :)

25 days till my sweet sixteen.

and I can't wait. this year for my birthday I wanted to do something different. so i requested in my birthday invitations that instead of getting gifts for me make either a money donation or some items that we listed to be given to the Cherokee Childrens Home. my church supports them, we called them and asked them what they need and they said that they had 14 teenage girls around my age and they went though hair stuff, tampons, pads, etc. and they could really use these things. so thats what i asked everybody for for my birthday.

thinking about it just makes me smile. i mean i don't by any means need any things. i have been very blessed and by no means am i in any need of anything. sometimes you dont think about how blessed you really are untill you start thinking about the people that arent and dont have the things they need. i really hope that i can get these things for these girls.

when i told my mom she didnt understand why i would want to do something like that.. and she doesn't think that people will actually bring stuff for it. i hope that i can prove her wrong and show her that people will do stuff. i love the feeling you get when you know that you are helping somebody that is in need.

it makes my heart happy. yeah that sounds kinda corney and stupid but i dont know any other way to explain it.

i just got back from Arkansas yesterday. it was okay. not my favorite state but it was okay. ill put a few pictures up tomorrow hopefully. :)

i cant wait to go to the beach.. and to turn 16.

- Raven :)

Pappaw. :)

This my Great-Grandpa. I call him Pappaw. :)
These were a few pictures we took on the way to church sunday. He cracks me up. I am so glad that he has had such a impact on my life. If it wasn't for him and Mammonk(my Great-Grandma) I know with out a doubt I wouldn't be mee. :)

He's so goofy. :)

Franklin the Turtle. :)

Today as I was driving down Parkerville I almost ran over a turtle. I had to turn around and get out of the middle of the street, well instead of taking it too the side of the road and leaving it I had to take it somewhere safe. So I put in my moms car, first of all bad idea considering I knew mom wouldn't let me keep it.. but I thought it was worth a try anyway. Lol. So going on about what i was doing with this turtle in the floor board it decided that my moms car was its bathroom.. YUCKKK! it peed in her car.. She wasn't too happy about that one. Well when i got back to the shop annnd told my mom that i had saved a turtle she was like and what do you think you are goinng to do with this. I tried talking her into lettting me keep it. didn't work. so then i came up with this wonderful idea that i would take it to my best friends house, put it in a box with a note that said SAVEEEE ME and leave it on her door step for her to find when she came home from school... my mom didn't think it was such a wonderful idea sooo i had to let him go in the huge pond behind kirstens house.. :)

i feel good that i saved a turtle. :)
i would have soooo put that turtle on her door step if it wouldn't have been for my mom.



Byeee byeee Franklin. :)

Empty Me - Chris Sligh

Empty Me - Chris Sligh

I've had just enough of the spotlight when it burns bright
To see how it gets in the blood.
And I've tasted my share of the sweet life and the wild ride
And found a little is not quite enough.
I know how I can stray
And how fast my heart could change.

Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me so
I can be filled with you.

I've seen just enough of the quick buys of the best lies
To know how prodigals can be drawn away.
I know how I can stray
And how fast my heart could change.

Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me so
I can be filled with you.

Cause everything is a lesser thing
Compared to you, compared to you.
Cause everything is a lesser thing
Compared to you so why surrender all?

Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me so I can be
Lord empty me of me so
I can be filled with you.
Oh, filled with you.
Empty me.

I was looking songs on itunes yesterday and I saw this song. I hadn't ever heard it so I went to youtube and looked it up. Once I heard it I fell in love with it. The words to the song just stuck out. I love it. :)

Sorry!

I haven't posted anything in a while. I have a lot of things going on and a lot of emotions and I don't know how to put them all into words. I don't really know how to explain what I'm feeling because at the moment I don't really know. I know that probably doesn't make much since. But I will do my best to explain.

Last Wednesday Bradley told my best friend that I was a pain in his ass, too emotional, and yelled to much. Where he got the yelled to much from I don't know because I haven't ever "yelled" at him.. But I can kind of understand where he is coming from. You would think that would be enough for me to just be done with him. But he didn't tell me. He told my best friend all of this. He also told her that he was done and that he still cared about me and wanted to be with me but he was done and couldn't take it anymore. You would think that would be enough for me to be done right? No, I can't let go. I'm scared to let go. I'm scared I will forget him, or if I do move on that there will never be another chance. Tuesday he deleted me from his myspace. That's when I broke down. I balled my eyes out. I can't explain why it hurt so much that he deleted me but it did. So I sent him a message and said I want to hear it from you, I NEED to hear it from you, that you want to move on so that i can as well and he didn't say anything. I deserve that much don't I?

I don't understand how you can smile all day long But cry yourself to sleep at night. How pictures never change, But the people in them do. How you can love so innocently, But it can turn into anger so quickly. How your best friend can become your worst enemy or How strange it is when your worst enemy Turns into your best friend. How forever turns into a few short months That you'd do almost anything to get back. How you can let go of something you once said You couldn't live without. How even though you know something is best for you, It hurts just the same. How the people who once wanted to spend every second with you, Think a few minutes of their time is too much time to spare. How the smell of a person stays with you Even when they're gone. How people make promises, And bear their souls to someone Despite knowing how common it is for promises to be broken. How someone can erase you from their lives Cause its just easier then working things out.

This is something I found on my friends myspace and it really stuck out. I don't understand. Everything reminds me of him, He's on my mind 24/7. I feel a lot of guilt. If I wouldn't have gotten mad, or if I wouldn't have say something, or if I would have just let him have the time and space he needed then we would still be together and happy. I wish more then anything that he would tell me himself that he is done. But I can't take back the past all I can do is move forward. And as hard as it is and as painful as it is I HAVE TO MOVE ON. If there is one good thing out of it all it would have to be the fact that I have learned a lot. I don't regret being with Bradley at all. Yes we fought and yes there were somethings he did that I wasn't always happy about but we also had AMAZING talks. I was able to open up and tell him things that I have never told a guy. He was my best friend. I think there will always be a place in my heart for him. The only thing I would take back is the way we ended. I miss talking to him. I miss having him there too cheer me up. But I'm working to put God there now. To rely on God to build me up.

I want everyone that reads this to know that Bradley was not a horrible boyfriend. Yes things got a little ruff at the end. He said somethings he probably shouldn't have and so I have I. I don't want anybody to think badly of Bradley. Because without him I would not be where I am at now. He came at a point in my life where I was very down. Without him I would not be where I am today. I don't think he knows how much he has helped me. I can't even begin to tell you how important he is too me. Even though we are not together and right now I don't see us being together again any time soon. He is still very important to me. He gave me hope. He built me up. If I go on to much more I might start crying so for now that is all that I am going to say.

Thank you for reading.

But please please do not think badly of Bradley.

- Raven.

Goodbye.

Your fingertips across my skin

The palm trees swaying in the wind

Images

You sang me Spanish lullabies

The sweetest sadness in your eyes

Clever trick

Well, I never want to see you unhappy

I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

Should've known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street

You took my hand and danced with me

Images

And when you left,

you kissed my lips

You told me you would never, ever forget

These images

Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy

I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

Should've known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean

I cannot drive the streets at night

I cannot wake up in the morning

Without you on my mind

So you're gone and I'm haunted

And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that easy

To walk right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

Should've known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do.

As hard as it is to say Goodbye my lover. If its meant to be then it will happen later on and this is just another step in the way. I just have to trust in the Lord and let him lead me in the ways I'm supposed to go. It's hard to not call him and talk to him esp. since he wont even tell me that he is moving on he told my best friend. I do believe that he will always have a place in my heart. I've put my guard up. I'm not going to let someone else hurt me the way Bradley has. I know I have most likely hurt him in some ways as well and for that I am sorry. but life must go on. Well thanks for reading.

btw. if you leave my a comment check back to that post because I will reply to your comments in the same post. :)

kay thanks.

- Raven.

ps. i tried to put a video on from youtube of this song because the girl that sings it sings it absolutely beautiful.. butt it never would show up.. but go to youtube.com and type in almost lover by a fine frenzy and watch the third video down. :)

Picking up what is left and Moving On!

I am picking up the pieces to my broken heart and moving on. I can't handle this anymore. Every time I go to his myspace he has some new girl on there.. and not me. Please tell me I'm not making a big deal over nothing? We haven't talked since Sunday.. He said that he would call me later and I'm still waiting on that call. But I honestly don't think it would make a difference. I'm tired of feeling like I'm not good enough and that I need to change to be what he wants. According to him I'm a burden on everyone life because I nag to much, I'm annoying, I wear to much make-up, I'm to insecure, I cry too much.. I could go on forever. Our whole conversation Sunday was about all of my flaws. Our whole fight was over him trying to "build up" some other girls confidence by telling her how beautiful she is, he puts his life on how fine she is.. two days later we're broken up and she's his third friend on myspace and I'm not on there. When ever I would say something to him about what he was saying Sunday he would just say that he was kidding because he like to hear me get all worked up over nothing. He likes my angry voice.. I just feel as if he doesn't care anymore. If its meant to be then it will work out in the end but as of right now I have to do what is best for me and that is putting my heart back together, getting on the right track with God, and moving on. It will be hard I know.. but it's what I have to do to be me again. I can't go on with one day I'm what he wants then the next day I'm nothing to him. Moving on hurts but it hurts just as bad to just sit here and wait and wonder.. am I going to be good enough today? is he going to call me today? is today going to be the day that he decides that I'm never going to be good enough? is today going to be the day that he shatters my heart all over again? I can't keep on feeling this way. I have other thing to worry about.. Like planing a baby shower for my mom and a sixteenth birthday party for myself all by myself. I don't need to worry about him too.

Thanks for reading. :)
- Raven.

A season for all things.

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Once again I was reading my bible and these verses popped out at me. Its kinda strange how things in the bible have been popping out at me lately. I guess it has to do with the fact that I'm reading my bible more often and actually paying attention in class and church. And it's not like I'm just sitting down too read.. it's like I start reading looking for something then I just can't put it down. And I LOVE IT. It's amazingg. When I read this it really stood out because I have been struggling with my emotions every since Bradley and I broke up. And I can't seem to figure out why.. but EVERY little thing sets me off and makes me cry my eyes out. I love how it says that there is a time to break down and a time to build up a time to weep and a time to laugh a time to mourn and a time to dance a time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones a time to embrace and a time to refrain form embracing a time to get and a time to lose a time to keep and a time to cast away a time to keep silence and a time to speak a time to love and a time to hate a time of war and a time of peace. We were reading this in class last Wednesday and I just started crying.. I hid it pretty well though. That's my thing.. I have been trying to hide my emotions and only let a few people in. Kirsten and Bradley. Even though he is the cause of most of my emotions I talk to him about them sometimes he helps sometimes he doesn't. But that's just because he is a guy and he thinks that I cry over little things. And yes sometimes I do. Sometimes the reason I cry is just because.. and he doesn't always understand. I think my MAJOR struggle is that I'm scared to let my family and friends know that I'm falling again. Just when I thought I had gotten to a place where I was finally happy I'm starting to fall again. I've been here before almost a year ago.. I have come SOO far in a year. But I feel as if I'm starting to fall again. I think it has just been a lot of emotion building up and Bradley and I braking up just kinda put the icing on the cake. I can tell that I'm starting to get to the place I was when I was depressed and its not fun at all. I don't like me depressed. But ever since Bradley and I broke up I just haven't been myself.. I'm NEVER hungry.. I'm SUPER tired all the time.. EVERYTHING makes me cry.. I NEVER want to do anything with anybody.. but I'm good at hiding my emotions.. Every one thinks that I'm happy and fine when really I just want to curl up in a ball and cry till I can't cry anymore. I don't like this me but I don't know how to get out of this spot. Bradley is the one that helped me get out of this spot last time. Last time I was like this was before I met Bradley and when I met him and we started talking I had hope that things would be better and they got better. Bradley and I have been on off and on again since July 2007. Even though we live 200 miles apart he has always been there for me to talk to. He has always been there to help me with things. and now he's not like he used to. Now that we aren't together we both kinda do our own thing. Yes I can still talk to him but not like I used to be able too. He has helped me in so many ways. I can't even begin to explain them. Buttt back to the point there is a time for everything. I need to snap outta this and focus on the GOOD things I have and not the BAD things that are going on.

Well that's all that I have time. I hope that this made some since. Thank you for listening. I know it's long. Thank you sooo much for all of you comments it help sooo much to know that people really do care. ;)

- Raven.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

I was reading my bible sunday during church and this verse poped out at me. I'm not really sure why it just did. I have put it on my myspace as a daily remember to trust in the Lord. Without him nothing is possible. I need to rely more on the Lord and less on myself. I need to put my whole trust into the Lord and let him write the rest of my story.

IT'S A GIRL

Mom is going to have a Girl. They want to name her Taylor Joann Shahan. I'm so excited. I'm going to have a little sister.. YAY!! I can't wait. Mom is 21 weeks today. :]

Kay well that's all for now.

Happy?

I talked to Bradley last night. He called me. I love talking to him. Even though he makes me cry my eyes out we have some amazing talks. We talked about what we wanted in life. We talked about us.. and if we thought we should be together right now and we decided no. That we are just going to let it happen. Kinda like how we met. We just HAPPENED to meet and we just HAPPENED to get together. We are going to take it one day at a time. I told him how I was going to take this time to become closer to God. In us braking up I have learned SOOO much. I can't even begin to explain ALL the things I have learned. All though I want to be with him I believe that this is what is best for us now. We're still going to talk. He's not going any where and neither am I. My best friend was over last night when we talked which helped A LOT. When Bradley and I were together she wasn't sure if she liked him or not.. when she talked to him last night she said that she could really tell that he really does love me and that he really does care about me. Having her support helps SOOOO much. It makes it easier in some ways. Hopefully me wanting to become closer to God will also effect Bradley and maybe bring him closer as well.

Well that's all I have time for. Tomorrow we go to see what my mom is having.. I hope it's a girl. :)

Thank you all for you comments and prays. :)

More later. :)

Broken.

Wake up to a sunny day
not a cloud up in the sky,
then it starts to rain
My defenses hit the ground,
And they shatter all around.
So open and exposed.
I found strength in the struggle.
Face to face with my trouble.

When you're broken in a million little pieces and you're tryin but you cant hold on anymore. Every tear falls down for a reason.
Don't you stop believing in your self.
When you're broken.

Little girl don't be so blue,
I know what you're goin through.
Don't let it beat you up.
Heaven knows that getting scars only makes you who you are...
only makes you who you are.
No matter how much your heart is aching, there is beauty in the breaking....
yeeeaaaahhh

When you're broken in a million little pieces and you're tryin but you cant hold on anymore. Every tear falls down for a reason.
Don't you stop believing in yourself.
When you're broken.Bridge

Better days are gonna find you once again every piece will find its place!

When you're broken in a million little pieces and you're tryin but you cant hold on anymore. Every tear falls down for a reason.
don't you stop believin in your self
When you're broken.


Bradley and I broke up today. I don't think I have EVER been this sad before. I have NEVER cried this much. My eyes are blood shot and puffy they burn like crazy. My heart hurts. I just want to curl up and go to sleep. We went to Chuck E. Cheese today. I had fun.. when I wasn't crying. I want to give him a few days and then try and talk to him. Buttttt I'm scared that if I do that he wont want to talk to me or he wont feel the same anymore. I love him I really do. Goodbye has NEVER hurt so bad. I can't even think straight.

......

Tennesse.

Grayson is more than adorable. He is such a sweet baby. Cute as a button. He's so sweet when he lays in my arms and sleeps. It's amazing. In some ways I feel out of place here in Tennessee. Its not the same as being at Matt and Christi's. At Matt and Christi's I feel as if I can talk about anything and everything but here at Rusty and Andrea's I feel as if I have to watch what I say or do. I miss being close with Rusty like I was before he have kids. Yes I understand everything changes when you had kids but Matt and Rusty are everything to me. I look up to them (more so Matt) in so many ways. I look up to Andrea and Christi too. (more so Christi) I miss being close to Rusty and Andrea. I miss when I lived at Mammonk and Papaw's and Rusty was still in high school. I just miss the old Rusty. The Rusty that cared about me. The Rusty that used to call and talk to me all the time. Now I'm doing good if I get a call on Christmas. I'm glad that I have Matt and Christi I truly don't know what I would do without them. They are amazing. I look up to them in so many ways. I don't think they know how much they mean to me. I love you guys. :)

Kay. Well I have to get some school work done. Thanks for listening. More later. :)

To go back or Not to go back.

Today my mom and I were talking. We were talking about going back to school or staying homeschooled. Im at a stand still. I cant decide if I want to stay homeschool or if I want to go back to Red Oak for school. There is pro and cons to both.

Going Back To School.

Pros.

• Getting to do normal highschool stuff. (prom, graduation, ext.)
• Friends.
• Sports.

Cons.

• Having to get up and drive an hour for school everymorning.
• Getting back in the habbit of doing school everyday.
• Not being able to go out of town when I want too.

Staying homeschooled.

Pros.

• Being able to go out of town when I want to.
• Not having to do school work all of the time
• Spending more time with my mom and the baby.
• Graduating early.

Cons.

• No formal graduation.
• No prom.
• No sports.

Im so confused on what to do. I would love to go back to school. If I went back I would go to Red Oak which is fine with me. I love Red Oak. I would have to drive an hour to school, wear a uniform, go to school for 8 hours, work after school, drive an hour home, do homework, sleep, and still make time for boyfriend, friends, and family. More of me is pointing to go back to school because when my kids ask me when im older what was prom like or how big was your graduating class I want to be able to tell them. I dont want to say Oh, I didn't get to do that kind of stuff I was homeschooled.

any advice?